I often felt worthless, and my parents (who later divorced), were either too busy or tired to care. At 5 years old I was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Ritalin. I saw myself as the problem child and a cause of heartache for my family. Instead of calming me, the drugs caused me to lose all focus and control. My mom passed away when I was 18 – after this, I became a full-blown addict. I lost custody of my first son at 9½ months old and spent the rest of my 20's in a haze of alcohol, drugs, jails and mental hospitals. I tried AA, NA, CA and rehabs but couldn't stay clean for more than 3 months. I got delirium tremens if I went more than 20 minutes without a drink. I gave up on God, I gave up on everything … I didn't dare to dream of a better life for fear of more disappointments.
At 30 years old I received the final payout from my mother's estate and moved to California. I partied and lived in motels, but had failed to consider how expensive California was. I was robbed by a gang for my last $10,000 and was busted for dealing drugs out of my hotel room. By early 2013, I was broke. After time in jail, I became involved in a destructive relationship for 5 years. Together we did massive amounts of meth and I experienced traumatizing abuse. During that time, I thought about, plotted, and even attempted to commit suicide. I discovered I was pregnant again, and for the first time in years I had a hope for the future. My son was born in 2018 and taken by Department of Children & Family Services. I prayed to get my baby back, and promised God I would follow Him forever! But God told me to follow Him FIRST … and I obeyed.
I went to detox where I rededicated my life to Christ - shortly after I left for a rehab program. I had been in that program for 2 weeks when I heard NorthEast of the Well had invited us to a worship service. I went, and felt God's Spirit move through me for the first time in over 20 years. I heard the testimonies of people who couldn't get it together in secular recovery but found strength in Jesus Christ. I went from lost and rejected in a pit alone to accepted by God and found in Christ. He gave me peace in my adversity, love for those around me, and met my needs with abundance. This is me today: I have sole custody of my son, I’m in college and working towards my associate’s degree in sociology. I want to show other people who are lost, scared, and alone how they can overcome with Christ!